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Lost in the dark.   
10:19pm 30/04/2005
 
mood: lonely
music: Shadows Fall
So yea...I talked to Ashley earlyier and i talked to her and she was at work and i told her ide talk to her later after work. And well yea..this is like the 3rd or 4th day i havent talked to her. I know shes busy with work but i always call when shes done with work. And tonight and every night i call her about 218370 times and i still dont hear from her. I call her house too and i dont know whats going on. Im lost in the fuckin dark and i have no idea were this relationship is going. I feel as if she doesnt want to talk to me. But i could understand why she wouldnt want to talk to me. Well i guess im gona stop typing because this is just pissing me way the fuck off.		  
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Bored   
01:03pm 15/02/2005
  Im in school right now and im so bored i wish i could just leave and go some where but i cant. Im probly gona get bitched at if im cought on this thing. But thats ok the lady is a bitch anyways. I wana go home. I dont feal good at all. Yesterday i played hookey and today i dont feel good at all. But Oh well. I got this funny black kid sitin next to me as i type this. Gawd hes so gangsta 8) I really miss Ashley...Allot and i just need to be with her. Hopefully ill be able to go to Virginia for springbreak. Be with Ashley the whole time and yea...I havent posted in a long time,but i guess theres nothing elce to do. So ill post when ever somthing interesting happens.  
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09:59pm 03/01/2005
 
mood: awake
music: Dashboard Confessional
I think i had the best Christmas ever. I got to go to virginia and see phil and my friends and then i spent just about all the time with Ashley. I swear to God that me and her are perfect for eachother. She is soo cute in bed. You could be under the covers when you go to sleep then when you wake up she will be wraped up in the whole thing. I think its cute. We stayed at her house most of the time but im not complaining. I had the best time ever with her. Gawd... i miss her so much. This summer im comin home and gona stay for the whole summer. I want to just leave and go some were with her forever. I wouldnt mind spending my whole life with her,I want too.

I love Ashley!!! =)		  
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Bored   
11:54am 10/11/2004
 
mood: okay
music: The Ramones
Yes! Today is the second day that ive just stayed home and played hookey. I guess i also havent been fealing to good either. But i gota go to school tomorow :(

Ive been told if i keep passing all my class's till christmas break then im gona be able to get my tounge pierced. Hell yes! But ide rather have it done before christmas break ;)

But you dont need to know why that is.It's For me to know and for you to never find out. I finally got out and got a job.So yeah. I cant wait to get out and start working.Get some cash and save it. Christmas is gettin here pretty quick. But not quick enough. Well im gona go back on gaia and chat the time away. Ill post later.		  
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Bored   
10:07pm 24/10/2004
 
mood: hyper
music: From Autumn To Ashes-The After Dinner Payback
Havent posted in a while.So today i didnt do anything but i guess its not bad. I got to talk to Ashley allot wich is always nice. She makes me really happy. And Ooh yeah we went out to BlockBusters and i got a movie and a game. So i got home watched my movie and play KillSwitch. And we dont have school tomorow wich is really nice. And erm wow i dont know what elce to type. When i come back home i gota hang out with ALL my friends. Well ill post later if anything good or interesting happens.		  
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...   
09:56am 25/09/2004
 
mood: enraged
music: In Flames-Soundtrack to your escape
Im so bored!Its freakin saturday! And ive done nothing all day!I swear if next weekend is the same,im gona go play in trafic.Um...Ashley and school are about the best things i have right now. But Ashley is the best thing i have.I love weight lifting i can tell the results are startin to show up. Hopefully i can get a weight bench,and some dumbells,Somthing to help me out even after school.
Im gona tell my parents to go out tomorow and buy me those things. Well im gona go stare at a wall for awhile.		  
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Haha   
01:04pm 21/09/2004
 
mood: bored
music: Iced Earth-Alive in athens .1
Im too lazy to get a job.So ive been doing nothing for the longest time now.Yeah....Im in class not doing anything.Bored.Erm..Ive been talking to Ashley as much as possible on the phone and online. But i cant wait to see her again. I cant wait to see all of my friends.I wana go to some big party or sumthing when i get to go back home.Yeah..well..im gona go. I love Ashley!		  
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BORED.....   
01:22pm 09/09/2004
  Im in school right now and im sooo bored.
I love you Ashley!		  
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Dun dun dun...   
11:42pm 27/08/2004
 
mood: anxious
music: SpineShank
Now I can take this, everything I know
Realize that I'm nothing I wanted to be
I can never change anything I've done
Because it's the only this I have left

Blame myself again for what I didn't do
Never even knew it was coming from me
It changed the way I felt, the worst is yet to come
Because I have gone too far now

Nobody
Changed my mind
And it leads me to a new disease
Somebody
Let it die
But it still becomes a new disease

Is this all worth what this has done to me
Watered down my senses and turned them on me

Fuck morality and everything I know
If I didn't hate this than I couldn't cope
Impersonate myself for what I used to be
Denial is all that's left now

Nobody
Changed my mind
And it leads me to a new disease
Somebody
Let it die
But it still becomes a new disease

Seething in my head
I'm suffering instead
I can't remember why
This meant so much to me

Doubt
Did I ever want this?
It's all I could've been, it's all I would've been
Doubt
Did I ever want this?
It's all I've ever been, it's all I'll ever be

Seething in my head
I'm suffering instead
I can't remember why
This meant so much to me

Nobody
Changed my mind
And it leads me to a new disease
Somebody
Let it die
But it still becomes a new disease

Hmmm...What to say? I LOVE YOU ASHLEY!!!!!11
Talking on teh phone with you is Always nice.
Well..Im gona go and do what ever.		  
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10:22pm 19/08/2004
 

Don't run away
Cause I can't live without you
Please stay
And I learn to love you right

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
I've been crying for you
Die for you all this time
I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I'm not going to
Lose you tonight

Don't run away
I never wanted to hide you
Please stay
And I learn to treat you right

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I've been crying for you
Die for you all this time
I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I'm not going to
Lose you tonight

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I've been crying for you
Die for you all this time
I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I'm not going to
Lose you tonight

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life

Oh, I can't live without you

And I've been crying for you
Die for you all this time

I never want adore you

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I'm not going to
Lose you tonight

I'm going to lose you tonight

I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I've been crying for you
Die for you all this time
I was waiting for you
Waiting for all my life
And I'm going to

loose you tonight

I dont know what to say. Ooh yeah I love you Ashley. Your my baby, and i dont know what ide do with out you.


 

 

  
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Blah   
12:34pm 09/08/2004
  Im sorry Ashley.  
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04:19pm 06/08/2004
 
mood: naughty
music: H.I.M

No I won't surrender
At any cost
You're something so sweet and tender
From my heart

Yes I've done my evil
I've done my good
Just believe me honey
I won't let go off you

You are the one
And there's no regrets at all
You are the one
And there's no regrets at all

We've had our share of misfortune
We've had our blues
And God is not on our side
Yes it's true
We keep forgetting baby
The others too
There is no one who can take that away
From me and you

You are the one
And there's no regrets at all

You are the one
And there's no regrets at all

 

Well the past couple of days have been interesting.I got to talk to Ashley allot and i love to talk to her. We have had the chance to talk about somethings. And ive really never talked to any one about the things we have talked about. And its kinda nice to be able to talk about it, especially to her. Cause i mean some of the things we talk about ive though about. But its nice to see how she feals about certain things and im really glad i get to talk to her about it. I love Ashley soo much i cherish every moment i talk to her. And i hope me and her last a long time. I love her with all of my heart.

I love you Ashley <33

  
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11:59pm 04/08/2004
  hear you breathe so far from me
I feel your touch so close and real
And I know
My church is not of silver and gold,
It's glory lies beyond judgement of souls
The commandments are of consolation oh

You know our sacred dream won't fail
The sanctuary tender and so frail
The sacrament of love
The sacrament of warmth is true
The Sacrament Is You

I hear you weep so far from me
I taste your tears like you're next to me
And I know
That our prayers are not enough to give
Oh the ancient runes so deep and so dear
The revelation is our patron fear

H.I.M/ sacrament

I love you ashley.

  
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10:57pm 03/08/2004
 

you let me violate you,
you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you,
you let me complicate you

help me I broke apart my insides,
help me i've got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me,
help me get away from myself

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal

my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

you can have my isolation,
you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith,
you can have my everything

help me tear down my reason,
help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect,
help me become somebody else

I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal

my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive

I dono what to say except today sucked like every other day. Well im gona go.

I love you Ashley <33

  
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Why does it hurt to breath?   
04:03am 03/08/2004
  Not much happend today. I got to talk to ashley wich is always good. I found out that school is in 3 weeks. And im kinda pissed off that i even have to go to school. I hate it and i dont go to learn i go to fuck around. Well i cant just drop out. I couldnt do that to my family and other people in my life. I think im gona get my GED or what ever if they have it in south carolina. Probly not tho. Well i dont know why im still up. But i cant go to sleep. I miss Ashley soo much because ive never thought of some one as much as i think about her. I think of her every waking moment and every moment that im asleep. She is the only reason for living. My life before i was with Ashley was ok i guess. But now that im with Ashley i dont think my life could be any better. Well except my asshole parents decided we needed to move. God i dont think ill be able to forgive them. Right now in my life was the worst time to move. I love Ashley more than any one. I dont think any one knows what ide give up to be with her even if for one day. Ide give up every thing. Ide give up life just to be with her for a day. That way when i die the next day i know ide was Trully happy. But right now all i can do is hope my parents will let me go back to virgina before school start. Phat chance. Well im gona go and dream About waking up having Ashley laying next to me. She makes me sooo happy that it brings tears to my eyes.

I love you Ashley,Dont every dought my love for you.
I love you more than any thing in life,even life its self.		  
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= (   
09:41am 01/08/2004
 

She's smiling like heaven is down on earth
Sun is shining so bright it hurts
All her wishes have finally com true
Her heart is weeping, happiness is killing her

She'll be right here in my arms
So in love
She'll be right here in these arms
She can't let go

So hard she's trying
But her heart won't turn to stone... oh no
She keeps on crying
But I won't leave her alone
She'll never be alone

She'll be right here in my arms
So in love
She'll be right here in these arms
She can't let go

Well today wasnt so bad i got like 4 new x-box games and i guess thats kinda cool. I got a new movie and im gona go watch it in my room. I got on the computer earlyier to see if ashley was on and she wasnt = ( . Well shes in the middle of packing and all that stuff so i guess that why. And now im bored out of my mind. Well im gona go take a shower and then see what happens from there.

I love you Ahsley <33

  
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11:42am 28/07/2004
 
mood: determined
music: W/e

She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, nO!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

 

I did nothing today..What a suprise.Lol

Well im gona go and do nothing.

Im gona go dream of Ashley all night ;).

I love you Babi <33 xoxo

  
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02:06am 28/07/2004
 
mood: tired
music: H.I.M/Metal Hammer FNG
There's a flame
That leads all souls astray
No one's safe
From its tender touch of pain
And everyday
It's looking for new slaves
To celebrate
The beauty of the grave

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverance
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

And Again
We're falling for disgrace
And hate
Will shelter us from the rain
We are enslaved
By the sacred heart of shame
And gently raped
By the light of day

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverance
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

Addicted to our divine despair
The venom of the cross we bear
The guilt will follow us to death

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverance
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

With a soul on
Soul on
Soul on
Fire

Soul on fire
Soul on fire

H.I.M / Soul on Fire

Well today i pretty much did nothing. Go figure.
Well i got to talk to Ashley online. Its nice to talk to her. She makes all my bad days good when i get to talk to her. Lol me and Ashley are gona get our nipps pierced together. And im gona try to get my tounge pierced when its my birthday. Well who knows..? I know i say it all the time But i miss Ashley soooo much. Well im gona try to sleep now.

I love you Ashley baby <33 xoxo		  
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06:50pm 25/07/2004
 
mood: horny
music: Unearth
Well today was erm how could i say it?....boring. I hate the whole outdoors thing. And so today we went to some stupid slide thing. It was at this rock that was really smoth and it would go into this little creek. The water in this little creek was soooo cold. When i got home i toke a nice HOT shower ^-^. I wish Ashley could have taken that shower with me. Im lame. But i think my dads gona go order pizza now and im gona go lay the fuck down and sleep.		  
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Shiet   
01:11am 24/07/2004
 
mood: loved
music: None
I was on the phone talking to ashley and i asked her to hold on and. And then i told my brother he could kiss my white ass..And so for some reason he poked my white ass. And Ashley heard me say that and she laughed and stephen was all like wtf?! And then stephen got kinda loud and my mom woke up and came out all pissed and so then i had to go and my moms all like 'Ill cut the fuckin phone line off' and shes like you guys are screwing me with bills. Well if you got a job mom maybe that wouldnt happen. Well i think Ashleys all wondering what the hells going on. And if you read this ashley its not your fault. Its my little brothers fault lol. Well im gona go finish watching LOTR3 with my sis.

I love you Ashley <33 xoxo		  
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